blag or wyt…jara!!!

goodbye..such a depressing and burden-some word…it carries a lot of meaning and seems to be stereotyped as negative…the other day i was part of the send-off committee for kuya arnel…on the way to the port i was emotionless, more of i have no time to dwell on what i’ll feel cause it was time-pressure ive got to deal with after my shift. we had a long ride on a taxi & got shocked with the state of living in pier 2 that i even forgot to sum up parting words for kuya…it was when we were on our way back home when nn asked me if im okay that i felt im human again with emotions…:> kuya, if youre reading this just want to say that i’ll truly miss you & your presence in the unit…ill just listen to the recording of the pieces you played in your dijeredu & flute from tin’s celfone…ill just tell myself "pamus-on toh!", id get the hausmates to ask me every hour as long as im awake " bam, duty ka?" and ill try to cook the veggies with lesser salt. id think of you when jamming with the folks or when im reading a book. ill try to get the habit of not eating breakfast as well. kuya, thanks for giving me the inspiration in finding that inner peace…i salute you for standing up to what you deserve. knowing you’re happy and contented makes parting such a sweet sorrow. and what made things easier was the fact that you never bade us goodbye, instead till we meet again…

i only realized the importance of my voice now that i dont have it. yup, i have been on a voice rest since last week due to hoarseness and upper respiratory tract infection! it sucks! i find it hard communicating with others epecially the callers. huhuhu…if only…yeah sure jyl! nasa huli ang pagsisisi…have to cut down on caffeine, nicotine and cold stuff!

what bothers me now is how come back in college when i was shouting my heart out for cheering then i love super frozen stuff but i only lost my voice ONCE! and now that this needed for work i suddenly lost it after i had flu..huhuhuh…we do have to beat stress daily or it will manifest in other ways…still praying though that ill recover soon or else….

moodle…one of our diversions during avail time…however, the forum is closed for reasons not that clear…there are several topics, though,  i love reading every now and then…i love those "slumbook" entries…let me share here some of those topics ive responded to and of kors my answers…. and thanks to suzy and max, i think they are the moodlers who post very sensible topics…:>

"gulong ng buhay patuloy-tuloy sa pag-ikot"…the famous line from a song made famous by aegis and as of now i really feel the cycle moving in my life…this is concerning a special person in my life…way back in college he was somebody close to my heart…we got to always spend time together…but before we even got to know each other well i dreamt of being married to him and it doesnt even end there for the next semester i had a series of dreams that involves our "marriage"…his face was always clear in my dreams so i am positive its him…our friendship grew deeper and we shared a lot of memories & experiences that ill never forget…we even have our share of petty fights and grudge modes…in a way i could have been biased in how i dealt with him after the dream…unconsciously i have taken care of him as if he will really be my husband in the future…but that is not the case…he loves somebody else - not me! when my feelings evolved i became afraid of it that i try to keep away from his company..i moved out of our circle to the point that we got estranged…but then we were given the chance to rekindle our friendship…and just right now we’ve met again in this very unexpected location…there are certain changes already…he is now in-touch with himself and im so automated…but why is it  that he seems to get into my senses again? he is staying with us for this short time he is here and it brings back old memories…and it bothers me to think that i already got over him but still my emotions flutter when he is near…here goes the cycle now…we could be in a different time and place but what ive tried to forget is all being brought back to me in now…i may hate dealing with my emotions but this could just be a reminder for to cherish the fact that im still alive…and while im at it, might as well be counting my blessings - the gift of friendship, falling inlove w/ the wrong person and learning to let go and move on for self-preservation.

alive and still moving around in the circle of life….